I'll Be There
by jessalyn78
Summary: When something terrible happens to April, what affect will it have on Jackson? Will it make him realize her feelings for her before it is too late?
1. Chapter 1

It was Jackson Avery's first day performing surgery at Tacoma General Hospital. He had no intentions of quitting Seattle Grace. It had become home to him, all of his friends and the people he cared about worked there, even though he wasn't on the best of terms with all of them. However, he figured that this opportunity would provide him with extra practice, and he could use the experience if he was going to meet his mother's high expectations and become a medical "legend." Additionally, though he wouldn't only admit it to himself, he missed being a surgeon at a hospital with a trauma center. He missed the drama and urgency that shook up his day and made it interesting. He hoped to find some of that again working part-time in Tacoma.

"Okay" he said to himself as he looked over the information about his next patient. "Unidentified female, late twenties, blunt abdominal trauma, subgaleal hematoma, and pelvic organ prolapse."

Jackson calmly discussed strategy with the nurse as they scrubbed in. By the time they were finished, the patient was being wheeled in.

"Mam" he said comfortingly, knowing that she was probably unconscious or disoriented but wanting to put her at ease in case she was aware of her surroundings. "You're okay. You're in a hospital. I'm Doctor Avery. I'm going to be performing your surgery" he continued as he scanned the room assuring everything was in place.

"Can you tell me your name?" he added softly as he looked at her face for the first time.

"Oh God" he gasped as it registered in his mind what he was looking at. It was April. _His_ April bloddied and bruised and lying on the operating table unconscious.

"April!?" he yelled as he knelt down next to her and took her hand. "April, it's me- it's Jackson. What happened to you?"

There was no response.

"April?" he said louder as he grabbed his notes and read closer. Before he didn't really care what had caused the injuries, he was just focused on the best way he could help the patient. But now? This was April and something terrible had happened.

"Was it a car crash?" Jackson asked the nurse urgently.

"I have no idea sir" she answered. "You know this woman?"

"Yes" Jackson answered as he fought tears.

"Then maybe you shouldn't perform the surgery" the nurse suggested.

"No" Jackson answered. "You're right. I shouldn't."

"It's going to be okay Kepner" he said to April as he stroked her hair. "I'll make sure the best damn doctor in this place works on you. And I'll be right here when you wake up."

He winced as he looked at her closer. "Oh God" he whispered to himself. "What happened to you April, what the hell happened to you?"

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	2. Chapter 2

As Jackson sat in the waiting area for April to get out of surgery a million questions raced through his mind.

"What happened to April? Her injuries are severe; a car wreck makes the most sense. But what if that isn't what happened? What if it's something else completely?"

"What if she's scared? What if she knows what's going on and she's as scared as I am?" the thought made him cringe. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything was going to be okay, to put her mind at ease. But, he didn't even know if she'd be able to hear what he was saying when he'd finally get the chance to talk to her.

Finally, he asked him the question that caused terror to ripple through him. "What if she doesn't make it?" he felt something hot and wet on his cheek and realized he was crying. "No" he said to himself comfortingly. "She's not going to die. She can't die." He sat in silence for a few more moments, trying to get himself together, before the surgeon came out to meet him.

"How is she?" he asked quickly standing up.

"I believe that in time, she'll make a full recovery."

"I'm a doctor" Jackson snapped back. "You can give me more to go on than that. Tell me how the surgery went like you would if I was a colleague and we working together on this."

"Dr. Avery…"

"Please, I need to know what's going on with her-"

"She's going to be fine."

"Can I see her?" he asked frustrated.

"In a few minutes you can, but we don't expect her to regain consciousness for some time."

"Why not?"

"She sustained a good deal of head trauma, her brain needs some time to heal."

"God" Jackson sighed. "You do know she's going to get better though, right?"

"Dr. Avery, you know as well as I do that there are no guarantees in medicine."

"Stop it! Stop talking to me like I'm someone who wouldn't be able to tell what's going on! I'm a doctor, I want a number. What are her chances?"

"I expect her to make a full recovery, that's all I can tell you" the doctor said as he left.

"Damn it!" Jackson cursed as he kicked a chair.

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As he stood in the hallway waiting to go in, the words Mark had told him months ago, during the last conversation they ever had, rang in his ears. _"If you love someone tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it and you say it loud..." _At the time he didn't know that Mark was going to die. He didn't know that April and him would go months having sex, without truly telling each other how they felt, and that they would then breakup and barely see each other anymore. He didn't know that April would be in the hospital, fighting for her life. But he had known one thing in that moment, he loved April Kepner. "Why didn't I tell you then" he sighed. "Why didn't I tell you when I still had the chance?" He took a deep breath as he finally entered the room.

"Oh God" he sighed as he saw April pale, weak, and hooked up to machines. He was a doctor, it was a sight he was used to, but he wasn't used to the person on the bed being someone he cared about, someone he loved.

"Hey April" he said softly as he gently pushed some hair from her face. "You're so beautiful, you know that? Only you could look this pretty while you're…." A catch in his throat prevented him from being able to finish his sentence. "Listen Kepner" he said trying harder to pull himself together. "You need to wake up because I can't lose you. We were just starting to be friends again, remember? You're the best friend I ever had; you always know just what to say. God, if I lose you…"he sniffled as he fought tears. "I can't lose you, not now, not like this. So please, please wake up. As soon as you can. I'll be right here when you do. I'm not going anywhere. I… I love you" he admitted as he softly kissed her head and walked out.

He stood against the wall and thought to himself. "What happens now? What happens if she does wake up? _When _she does wakeup, because she has to wake up…"

"Excuse me" an unfamiliar voice said interrupting his thoughts. I'm Officer Calvin and this is Officer Johnson. I understand you were able to identify the woman who was brought here earlier?

"Yes" Jackson responded. "She's April. Uh- Kepner. April Kepner. She lives in Seattle but her family lives in Moline, Ohio. God, someone should call them…" Jackson said as he realized that he hadn't called anyone who cares about April to tell them what was going on. "I have to call Derek and Meredith, and her parents, and… God, I should call her, um boyfriend…."

"Sir" the voice said interrupting his thoughts once again. "How do you know Ms. Kepner?"

"It's Doctor Kepner" Jackson corrected.

"Yes, how do you know her?"

"She's um… we…" he struggled to find the words to describe his relationship with April. She wasn't exactly his ex, she definitely wasn't his girlfriend now, but to simply say that they work together would cheapen what they had and Jackson couldn't stomach doing that.

"She's my best friend" he finally said.

"So you know the victim well?"

"Victim?" Jackson asked as he felt all of the wind knocked out of him. "What do you mean _victim_, someone did this to her!?"

"Sir, we just need to ask you a few questions in regard to the case."

"Case? What… Someone hurt April, that's why she's…. But how?"

"Sir, perhaps we should find a more private place to discuss this in depth."

"No!" Jackson yelled. "Tell me now, who the hell did this to her? What happened!?"

**Please Review! They really inspire me to write, so the more I get, the more likely I am to update quickly. Thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far!**


	3. Chapter 3

"What happened?" Jackson asked again staring at the officer intently.

"Sir, we aren't sure what happened. That's why we have a few questions we'd like to ask you."

"I don't know anything about what happened. I have no idea what April is even doing in Tacoma."

"Does Dr. Kepner have any enemies?"

"What?"

"Anyone who would want to hurt her?"

"What? No, no- no one would want to hurt April. She's sweet, and innocent. She grew up on a farm, and she loves Jesus and she'd go out of her way to help anybody. No one in their right mind would ever… Oh God, how could this have happened? Who would have done this?"

"Was she involved in any dangerous or illegal activities?"

"No! She's- she's April, I've seen her thank an automatic door. She'd never hurt a fly"

"Do you know if she's been assaulted in the past? Perhaps she's in an abusive relationship."

"No, she's dating this paramedic- he's totally harmless. Look, it's like I told you. April she's- perfect. Or as close to perfect as anyone can get. I mean she's totally frustrating sometimes, and she can be completely clueless. But she'd never do anything to deserve…"

"So you have no clue as to who might have assaulted her."

"No" Jackson scoffed. "But if I ever find the bastard…"

"I'm going to get another cup of coffee" one of the officers said to the other. "Do you want anything?"

"No" he replied. "I'll finish up with this man, and then we can leave."

"Wait" Jackson said as a thought occurred to him. "How do you know she was assaulted? Where did you find her?"

"We can't discuss details of the case with you sir."

"That's a wedding ring, on your finger?" Jackson asked him.

"Yes" he responded.

"What if this is your wife? Wouldn't you want to know what happened to her?"

"Is Dr. Kepner your wife? I thought you said she had a boyfriend?"

"She does, but I…. I love her. And I need to know what happened. Please."

"Okay" the officer said moving close to him and speaking in a low voice. "She was found in an alley. It was bad. I don't think I've ever seen a rape victim quite so battered."

"Rape?" Jackson asked as he swallowed hard. He felt a burning sensation in his throat and the whole room seemed to be spinning. "No" he said breathlessly. "She's April, she couldn't have been…"

"I'm sorry sir" the officer said.

"You- you have no idea who did this?" Jackson said shakily.

"Judging by the severity of her injuries, my guess, it was more than one guy."

"Oh God" Jackson gasped fighting tears. "She was alone when you found her?"

"Yes."

"Was she scared?"

"She was already unconscious at that point, she probably had been for quite some time…"

"What the hell was April doing in an alley in Tacoma? How the hell did this happen?"

"Look sir, we don't know. If you could provide us with a list of people Dr. Kepner is close with, we could ask them. Maybe somebody knows something. But my guess is this was just a random attack. Hopefully Dr. Kepner will wake up soon and she can tell us more."

"She's going to be traumatized" Jackson said as tears filled his eyes. "When she wakes up, she's going to…. Oh God, how could this have happened to her? She's April!"

"Sexual assault can happen to anyone. 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted at some point in their life."

"I don't need a statistic!" Jackson snapped back. "I'm a doctor, I know the numbers. I've studied them, I've worked with victims. I know how it goes. But it doesn't matter. This was never supposed to happen, not to her. Not to April."

"Sir, are you going to be okay?" the officer asked. "Do you need medical assistance?"

"No I don't need medical assistance! I need this to not have happened; I need April to be okay, I need…"

"Sir-" a nurse interrupted looking at Jackson. "Dr. Kepner is awake. Would you like to see her?"

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	4. Chapter 4

"Hey" Jackson said softly as he reentered the room.

"Hey" April responded barely above a whisper.

"How are you doing?" he asked unsure of what she was able to remember what happened to her.

"I'm a little sore" she answered. "Can I ask you something?" she added as she shifted uncomfortably.

"Of course" he answered as he sat next to her.

"What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"No, I have no idea what's going on. What hospital is this? This isn't Seattle…"

"This is Tacoma General Hospital."

"Tacoma?"

"Yeah."

"What are you doing here?"

"I've been picking up a few extra shifts here, I was the one who identified you. They weren't sure who you were at first."

"Was I in an accident?"

"It's not really important right now, all that matters is that you're going to be okay" he said reassuringly.

"Jackson-"

"The surgeon says he expects you to make a full recovery."

"Jackson! Please just tell me what's going on. I deserve to know what happened to me!"

"April-"

"Please!"

"Okay, okay" he said after a long pause. "You were…attacked" he explained softly.

"What?" she asked shocked.

"I'm sorry…"

"But.. how?" she whispered. "Oh my God! Oh my God" she gasped.

"What? What is it? What's wrong?"

"I remember it now….. Oh my God"

"Hey, hey it's okay, you're okay now. I'm right here" he said as he gently rubbed her arm.

"I have to go-" she said urgently, her eyes wide with terror, as she sat up and started pulling at the IV's connected to her arms.

"April, hey no- you're going to hurt yourself. Stay where you are-"

"I, um , I have to get out of here-" she said in a scattered voice.

"April, April, it's okay. You're safe here. You're safe here. I'm right here."

"But, I can't stay here. I have to get out of here…"

"April, you just had major surgery. You can't leave. Sit still, you're going to open your stiches…"

"Major surgery? For what?" she asked.

"Oh God" April gasped as she started to cry. "I didn't get away. They…. Jackson what did they do to me?"

"What do you remember?" he asked softly as he took her hand.

"I was visiting my friend, Melanie. Remember her from Mercy? She left right before we merged with Seattle?

"That nurse you were friends with?"

"Yeah- she moved here, to Tacoma, and I went to visit her, and when I left her apartment… Oh my God."

"What?"

"These two guys they came out of nowhere. I tried to get away. I tried so hard. I fought Jackson, I swear…"

"Of course you did, April- this wasn't your fault. Okay, not at all- you need to believe that" Jackson said adamantly.

"I was so scared" she cried.

"I'm so sorry" he said, his eyes filling with tears, as he pulled her into a hug.

"I must have passed out. I don't know if they… Jackson were they able to? Was I…raped?" she asked horrified.

"No" Jackson said, shocked by himself as the word flew out of his mouth. April had a right to know what happened to her, what happened to her own body, and he knew the truth. He just couldn't tell her. He just couldn't stomach to look in the eyes of the woman he loved and tell her the nightmare of the truth.

"Thank God" April gasped. "But, why not? Did someone stop them- the person who found me? Did they stop them?"

"Yeah" Jackson answered. "You're going to be fine Kepner" he added. "Everything's going to be fine…"

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	5. Chapter 5

"How long do you think I'll have to stay here?" April asked Jackson as she relaxed into the bed.

"I'm not sure" Jackson said as he cleared his throat nervously. "Look, just rest for right now. Try to get some sleep."

"Yeah" April scoffed "Like I'm going to be able to sleep."

"You need your rest" Jackson said softly.

"Would you stop talking to me like I'm a patient!" April snapped.

"Excuse me" a man interrupted. "Dr. Kepner? I'm Officer Johnson, I'd like to ask you a few questions if you're up to it."

"She isn't" Jackson said to him. "She's not ready."

"Actually, I am. I'd like to talk to you" she said as she looked at Jackson suspiciously.

"April-"

"Jackson it's fine really" she interrupted. "There are still a lot of blanks, in my head I mean, about what really happened. I'd like to try to fill them in."

"You just had major surgery, you need to rest" he insisted.

"Her doctor said it was fine for me to ask her a few questions" the officer interjected.

"See" April said. "I'll be fine."

"I just don't think this is a good idea" he said frustrated.

"Well it's not your decision" April said. "I want to talk to you" she added looking at the officer.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave sir" the officer said to Jackson.

"I'm not going anywhere" Jackson responded as tears filled his eyes. "I can't leave you. Not now, not like this."

"Jackson, I'm going to be fine!"

"April, don't do this. Please. Just trust me this isn't what's best for you right now."

"What are you talking about?"

"April, you're not ready."

"Not ready for what!?"

"Not ready to hear the truth" Jackson snapped.

"The truth about what?" April asked angrily. "Jackson, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"Obviously it's something-" she said as the realization hit her. "Oh God" she gasped. "Oh, no, no, no…"

"April, I'm so sorry-"

"You lied?" she asked barely above a whisper.

"I just couldn't bring myself to tell you-"

April sat frozen and started to breathe heavily as she fought tears.

"She doesn't want to talk to you right now" Jackson said angrily to the officer. "Please leave."

"Dr. Kepner- is there a better time that we could contact you for an interview? Bear in mind that you are going to remember the most details the sooner we get the chance to talk."

"What?" April asked confused.

"Why don't you give our office a call when you're ready" the officer said setting his card on the desk next to her hospital bed as he walked out.

"But… but, no. This couldn't have happened. God wouldn't have let this happen. No…"

"April" Jackson said softly as he took her by the shoulders. "April it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay."

"Oh no" she repeated. "What if-"

"What if what?" he asked urgently.

"What if this is punishment."

"What?"

"I had sex with you, and know this is how I'm being punished-"

"April, no! That isn't what happened. This isn't your fault!"

"I think I need to be alone" April said blinking back tears.

"Okay" Jackson said. "You're sure that's what you want?"

"Yeah" she said shakily.

"Okay" he answered." I'll be right outside your room. You can ask a nurse to come and get me if you need anything."

"Okay, thank you" April responded coldly.

"April-" Jackson said softly as he walked out.

"What?"

"This wasn't your fault. Don't find a way to make it your fault. Don't do that to yourself."

"Okay" April responded avoiding eye contact with him.

"This is my fault" she cried quietly to herself after Jackson left. "It has to be, why the hell else would this have happened to me?"

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	6. Chapter 6

After a few hours of pacing the waiting area nervously, Jackson couldn't hold back the urge to check on April.

"Hey" he said gently as he entered her room.

April just nodded slightly, still staring off into the distance.

"Did it help to have some time alone?"

"I didn't" she responded. "They spent the whole time running tests and… touching me. It was terrible."

"I'm sorry" Jackson said in a desperate tone as he moved closer to her.

"Sorry for what?"

"Lying to you, I had no right to do that."

"It doesn't really matter Jackson. Nothing does…"

"April, don't talk like that. A lot of things still matter, you still matter."

"No, I don't" April scoffed. "I want to die Jackson. I want to die. The only thing that is stopping me from jumping out this freaking window next to my bed is the thought that I'm going to hell!"

Jackson looked at April horrified. He knew she was upset, he knew that she had found an irrational way to blame herself and that she was holding on to it. But through all of that she still seemed like April. The woman he was staring at now wasn't April.

"April?" he finally asked. "Are you saying you might do something to hurt yourself?"

"It's not like anyone would care!" she snapped.

"April, are you kidding me? It would kill me to lose you!"

"Because then your chances of screwing me on the sly again someday would be ruined?" she asked bitterly.

"April, you know that's not the way I look at you."

"You should. I'm a whore."

"April, you are not a whore!"

"Then why did this happen?" she asked sobbing.

Jackson took April's hand and stared in her eyes hoping it would calm her. "April, look at me. I need you to look at me."

April finally shifted her gaze so that she was looking at Jackson, but there was no life in her eyes.

"I think you need help. I'm going to get you some help, okay? There's a great psychiatrist here on staff, I've worked with him."

"You think I'm crazy?" April asked bitterly.

"No" Jackson said. "But I think you need help."

"I don't deserve help" April said as she pulled the blanket over herself. "And I don't want it. I just want to get some sleep."

"April" Jackson said softly trying a different approach. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Not last night, and not when we were together. You didn't deserve to be hurt like this. It isn't a punishment, it isn't anything you could have controlled."

"I wish that was true" April sobbed.

"It is!" Jackson said rubbing her back.

"Do you still think I need to be committed?"

"You're talking about hurting yourself and April, that scares the crap out of me."

"I just don't know how I'm going to deal with this!" April began to sob. "I feel so awful, and disgusting and it feels like it's not ever going to go away!"

"I know" he said sympathetically. "But it is, it will get better, I promise. You just have to fight. I know you have it in you Kepner" he reassured her. "You're a soldier" he added with a faint smile remember April's mantra.

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	7. Chapter 7

Once Jackson knew April was asleep he snuck out to the hall.

"Excuse me" he said to one of the nurses as he took a deep breath. "That woman in there, April Kepner, I think she might need a psych evaluation."

"Oh?" the nurse replied. "And why's that?"

"It's just. She's been through something really, really awful and- she's talking about hurting herself. I think she might be a danger to herself."

"Thank you for letting me know" the nurse replied coldly. "I'll let someone know."

"Dr. Peters" he interrupted. "Let Dr. Peters know. I know him, he's good. He's who April needs right now."

"Is she your girlfriend?" the nurse asked with a smile.

"No" Jackson replied. "Just a woman I really care about."

He walked back into April's room and brushed some hair out of her face. "God, I hope I did the right thing" he said softly. "If I hurt you more than you're already hurt I would…"

Jackson backed away and resumed his spot in the seat next to her. "You know" he added softly. "I think I might be acting a little selfish here. A part of me has liked being the only one here to help you. I just want to help you April, I want so badly to make this better for you. But, it's clear that I'm not enough. You need more, and I'm going to make sure you get it. I think it's time that I call someone else…" Jackson was interrupted by the sound of April's cell ringing.

"Hello?" Jackson answered nervously.

"Jackson?" Meredith asked. "What are you doing answering April's cell phone?" she added in a teasing tone.

"Meredith" Jackson said seriously.

"What?" Meredith asked her tone changing as well. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's April. She's been… she's in the hospital."

"What?" Meredith gasped. "But Derek- he's been at work all day , he would have called me if they brought April in, he would have told me…"

"We aren't in Seattle" Jackson interrupted. "We're in Tacoma. We're at Tacoma General Hospital, and I think April could use all the support she can get."

"I'll be right there" Meredith said as she gathered her things together. "I just need to find a sitter for Zola, and I'll call Derek, and…"

"Just get here" Jackson interrupted. "As soon as you can."

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"Hello?" Dr. Peters said softly as he entered the room.

Jackson got up and quickly shook his hand. "Hello"

"Dr. Jackson, right?" he asked.

"Yes. Yes, that's me. And this is Doctor April Kepner."

"I looked at her chart. It's unimaginable what happened to the poor girl."

Jackson clutched his fists tightly.

"You know" Doctor Peters said when he noticed this "Often times those close to someone who has been sexually assaulted can benefit from therapy as well…"

"I think we should focus on April" Jackson snapped back.

"Okay" the Doctor said. "I'm going to need you to leave the room while I talk to her."

"Oh" Jackson replied. "Not now, she's finally been able to get some sleep."

"Well" the doctor said. "From what you said to the nurse it sounds like this is an emergency situation. I'd like to talk to her as soon as possible."

"Okay" Jackson said hesitantly. "But, could you let me wake her up, and explain what's happening?"

"Of course" the doctor nodded.

"April" Jackson said softly as he nudged her gently.

April startled awake and then looked around.

"Hey, it's just me, it's just Jackson."

"Oh" April responded. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong" he said softly. "Dr. Peters just wants to talk to you."

"Okay" April said sleepily as she sat up.

"April, Dr. Peters is from the Psych unit."

"What?" April asked angrily. "Jackson, no. No! You didn't!"

"It's okay April" Dr. Peters said softly. "I just want to ask you a few questions."

"I'm not crazy!" April snapped as a tear began to fall down your face.

"Nobody thinks that April" Dr. Peters said. "What you've been through is very traumatic…"

"I can't believe you did this!" she yelled looking at Jackson. "Jackson, I told you I didn't need this!"

"April" he said as he choked back tears. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Maybe it's best that you leave now" Dr. Peters said.

"I can't leave her like this" Jackson said softly.

"I'll take good care of her" Dr. Peters said reassuringly.

"April" Jackson said as he walked towards the door. "I really am sorry, I just want what's best for you."

April huffed angrily as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I mean it" he added softly. "I love you."

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"Hey" Alex said as he ran towards Jackson in the waiting room.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"We all heard April was here" Christina added as she followed him.

"How is she?" Derek asked nervously, all the color drained from his face.

"Was she in an accident?" Meredith asked.

"No" Jackson replied. "No, I didn't know that _all _of you were going to come."

"You said you thought she could use all the support she could get" Meredith said.

"Yeah, but… What happened to April, it's a little sensitive."

"What does that mean?" Christina asked.

"She was… attacked."

"What?" Meredith gasped.

"But the who the hell would-"

"It was a random attack. Two guys."

"Have they caught the bastards?" Alex asked angrily.

"No" Jackson said through gritted teeth.

"Wait" Derek said. "When you say 'attacked…"'

Jackson just looked at him.

"Oh my God" Meredith gasped.

Suddenly they were interrupted by the sound of screaming.

"What the hell is that?" Christina asked.

"I think that's April" Jackson replied as he ran toward the noise.

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	8. Chapter 8

"What happened?" Derek asked urgently as Jackson made his way back into the waiting area.

"Was that April screaming before?" Meredith added as she clutched Derek's hand tightly.

"Yeah" Jackson sighed. "The psych evaluation didn't end so well. The doctor thinks he pushed her too hard."

"Psych evaluation?" Meredith asked confused. "Why…?"

"April's having a hard time dealing with all of this."

"Well that's understandable" Christina said. "Hardly makes the girl a nutcase, I mean other things about her do…"

"Shut up!" Jackson interrupted. "Don't talk about April like that."

"I'm sorry" Christina responded. "I- I always talk about April like that. It's kind of our thing."

"April needs some serious help, so I don't want her to hear about anyone calling her a _nutcase_."

"What do you mean, why do you say that?" Derek asked.

"Say what?"

"That April needs serious help, what makes you think that?"

"She's… she's suicidal."

"Oh God" Meredith sighed.

"The poor thing" Alex said softly.

"I had no idea" Christina added. "I never would have…"

"Is she okay now?" Derek interrupted. "Were they able to calm her down?"

"She's been sedated."

"Do they have _any_ idea who might have done this to her?" Alex asked.

"No" Jackson snapped. "No, and April hasn't said much."

"God" Alex sighed. "What kind of sick bastards could…."

"Alex" Meredith interrupted glancing at Jackson concerned. "Maybe it's best that we don't go there right now. Have you gotten any sleep?" she asked turning to Jackson.

"No" Jackson responded. "Not really, I've stayed awake in case April needs me."

"Well we're all here now, why don't you try to catch a few minutes in the on-call room? It might help clear your mind a little."

"Okay" Jackson sighed. "But if something happens with April or she needs me-"

"I will let you know" Meredith agreed. "Don't worry."

"Thank you" he said appreciatively as he leaned in to give her a hug.

"She's going to get through this" Meredith said softly. "And you are too."

"Thanks" he said choking back tears. "All of you."

"Of course" Alex nodded.

"That was brutal" Christina said once Jackson left the room. "I don't think I've ever seen him like that…"

"Yeah well something this horrible has never happened to him before" Alex scoffed. "I mean, my God…"

"I think we should have her transferred to Seattle" Derek said as he rubbed his hands together nervously.

"Why's that?" Christina responded.

"I'm concerned about the way this is all being handled. Obviously the psychiatrist that saw her is incompetent, and from what I can see her family still hasn't been notified. This isn't exactly a world-renown hospital, and Seattle is April's home now…"

"Which is why it might be better that she's here" Christina interrupted. "I doubt April will want _everyone_ she works with to find out about this. Here she has a certain amount of privacy."

"I just think she'll be taken care of better at Seattle" Derek muttered angrily.

"Is it possible that you're saying that because you want to be involved in April's treatment?" Meredith asked.

"No-"

"Honey" Meredith interrupted gently. "April is fine here, you're being a little overbearing. I know how much you've grown to care about April, and I know that this is a lot to deal with, but these people are professional, and we're all here for her as well. She's going to be fine."

"I'm not so sure" Christina sighed.

"Why would you say that?" Meredith asked angrily.

"This would be nearly impossible for anyone to deal with, but the neurotic, and virginal April Kepner?"

"Kepner's a lot stronger than you give her credit for" Alex said.

"And she has the support of everyone in this room, and Jackson. She's going to make it through this."

"I hope you're right" Christina said defensively. "I'm just worried about her."

"I think we all are" Derek agreed. "Did you hear her before? She sounded so terrified…"

There was a moment of silence among the three of them that was finally broken by Meredith.

"Should we call Matt?"

"Who?" Alex asked.

"The paramedic, the one April's been seeing."

"Why didn't Jackson call him?" Christina asked.

"Come on" Alex scoffed. "Isn't that blatantly obvious? The guy's in love."

"But isn't he seeing someone else?"

"I don't care. Did you see him? That's not the reaction a _friend_ has when something like this happens."

"Well, just because Jackson doesn't want him to know, doesn't mean he shouldn't know, right?" Meredith asked unsure.

"I think that should be April's decision" Christina responded. "The poor thing is having so many things decided for her, maybe we should leave telling her boyfriend to her."

"You're right" Meredith sighed. "But what about her parents?"

"Did Jackson mention trying to get ahold of them at all?" Alex asked.

"He didn't" Meredith responded. "He didn't call me, I called him. Well, I called April actually- I don't know if he tried her parents."

"They should know" Derek said. "If it was Zola, I'd want someone to tell me so I could be there for her."

"Yeah, but who wants to be the one to give that news?" Alex scoffed.

"I'll do it" Meredith volunteered as she stood up. "Derek's right, they should know. And I feel so helpless here, this way I'll feel like I'm doing something…"

"I have to use the bathroom" Alex said as he got up "I can walk you out."

"Let us know how it goes" Derek said.

"I will" she nodded as she walked away.

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"Hey April" Alex said softly as he sat in the chair next to her bed. "I'm probably not supposed to be in here, but I just had to see you. I just want you to know that it's all okay. Everything is okay now. We're all here for you."

"No" April said softly as she began to as started to toss and turn.

"April?" Alex asked gently as he nudged her arm.

"No!" she repeated louder. "No, please stop it."

"Oh my God" Alex responded. "April, no, it's okay. It's just a dream. You're having a dream. You're okay" he continued as he shook her gently.

April startled awake, her eyes wide with fear, as she scanned the room. "Alex?" she finally asked as she caught her breath. "What- what are you doing here?"

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	9. Chapter 9

"Hey" Alex said softly. "I- um, I heard what happened to you."

"You did?" April asked shocked.

"Yeah" he answered. "I'm- I'm so sorry."

"Um, it's not your fault" she said coldly as she shifted uncomfortably.

"Do you want me to get a doctor?" he asked nervously.

"No! No, please don't do that. They keep asking me questions."

"Okay, okay" Alex said softly. "Hey, it's okay, I won't get anyone. I can leave if you want."

"No" she said. "It's okay. You can stay. It's just- I don't want to talk about what happened."

"That's fine."

"I didn't remember it" she said after a moment.

"What?"

"I didn't remember it. Then that doctor talked to me. Now I remember it. I didn't want to remember it."

"I'm sorry" he said sympathetically as he put his hand on her arm. Then he looked down as if to question if he was doing something wrong.

"It's fine" April said. "You can touch me; I'm not going to break."

He looked at her nervously for a moment before she spoke again.

"Do you think it to?"

"What?"

"They think I'm crazy. Do you think it too?"

"No" he said. "I don't think you're crazy at all."

"Good" she sighed. "Jackson does."

"No" Alex said softly. "He doesn't think you're crazy, he's just worried about you."

"Yeah" she sighed. "How is he?"

"He's a wreck" he admitted. "You can tell he really cares about you."

"I care about him too" April said, her voice breaking. "When I thought those guys were going to kill me… He was all I could think about. But everything's such a wreck now."

"Hey" Alex said softly. "I know it's going to take a while for you to get better, but speaking from experience- when you find that person, that person you think of when it all hits the fan, that person who's willing to take care of you no matter what- hold on and never let go. No matter what."

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"How'd it go with April's parents?" Derek asked as Meredith joined him and Christina in the waiting room.

"They're going to try to get here as soon as possible" she said as she put her cellphone in her purse.

"How was telling them?" Christina asked sympathetically. "Brutal?"

"It felt a lot like talking to a patient's family. I almost forgot it was April I was talking about for a minute."

"Hey" Jackson said as he joined them in the waiting room.

"I thought you were going to try to get some sleep" Meredith said softly.

"I couldn't" Jackson said as he rubbed his forehead. "Every time I closed my eyes I saw April's face after she found out that she was…"

"April's awake" Alex said as he sat back down in the waiting room.

"What?" Jackson gasped. "You went in there?"

"Yeah" Alex admitted.

"How is she doing?" Derek asked urgently.

"She's pretty shaken up. I guess when the doctor talked to her, she remembered what had happened."

"Son of a bitch" Jackson shouted. "Why the hell did he do that do her? She was having a hard enough time with this as I is!"

"Where are you going?" Alex asked.

"To see April" he answered as he ran off.

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"Hey" Jackson said breathlessly as he ran into April's room.

"Hey" she answered coldly. "How many of them know?"

"What?" Jackson asked as he moved closer to her.

"How many of them know about what happened? You called Alex, who else did you call?"

"I didn't call Alex" Jackson explained softly. "Meredith called you, I told her you were here."

"Did you call my parents?" she asked choking back tears.

"No" he admitted, "but I think someone else might of."

"I asked the hospital not to" she scoffed. "But, maybe it's for the best…"

"They love you" Jackson said softly. "They want to help you, just like…"

"Just like you do?" she asked.

"Yeah" he smiled. "How are you doing?"

"Not so good" she admitted as she fought tears.

"Alex told me that you remember."

"Good Lord is everyone talking about me!?" she said as she started to break down.

"No, no" he said shaking his head vigorously. "Hey" he said softly as he grabbed her hand. "I just want to help you. Talk to me."

"And tell you what!?" she snapped. "Last time I talked to you, you tried to have me shipped off to the psych ward!"

"I'm worried about you April. I'm so worried about you."

"I'm not going to tell you" she said crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm not going to tell you what happened, so if that's what you're looking for-"

"I want you to do whatever is going to make you feel better" he said gently guiding her face in his direction. "If that means talking, fine. If that means going back to sleep while I sit here with you that's fine too, just please let me do something April- please."

"They wouldn't let me leave" April said through tears. Jackson held her hand tighter, shocked that April was finally opening up to him.

"You must have been really scared" Jackson said sympathetically as he choked back his anger at the men that had hurt her.

"I thought they were going to kill me. I thought I was going to die…"

"You didn't" Jackson said softly. "You're still right here April, you can still have such an awesome life."

"Yeah" she sighed as she rolled her eyes.

"It's true" he urged her gently. "God April, you can have anything you want. You can do anything you want-"

"All I want is to feel better."

"I know" Jackson said as he stroked her face. "You will. You will."

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	10. Chapter 10

April gasped as she tried to gather her surroundings.

"Hey" Jackson said softly as he placed his hand on her arm. "It's okay, you're safe. I'm here."

April visibly relaxed at his words. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A few hours" Jackson answered lightly stroking her shoulder. "You should try to get some more."

"Is everyone still here?" she asked, hoping he'd say they weren't. She thought it was nice of them to stay, but she was so mortified that they knew what happened in the first place, that she didn't know how she would face them again.

"Yeah" he nodded. "They're sleeping in the waiting room."

"Why?"

"Because they care about you April, we all do."

"Or they feel sorry for me" she scoffed. "I hate being pitied."

"You aren't _pitied_" Jackson spat back angrily. "You're…loved."

"Loved?" she asked, the shakiness in her voice revealing the depth of her vulnerability.

"Loved" he confirmed.

The two stared at each other for a moment before April ended the silence, desperate to lighten the mood. "My parents are coming?"

"Yeah" he sighed. "They won't be here for a few hours though, so you still have time to get some more sleep."

"I don't need sleep" she shrugged. "I've gotten enough, besides I keep having…."

"Nightmares?" he asked with a pained expression. He didn't want April to have to relive what happened to her ever, but he especially didn't want her to have to relive it every time she closed her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess you know a thing or two about that, huh?"

"Well" he nodded. "I do know about nightmares, but I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, it's _awful_."

"You know" she sighed. "Maybe it doesn't have to be."

"What do you mean?" he asked cautiously.

"Maybe it's only as awful as I let it be, maybe if I just try my best to stay positive…"

"April, don't do that. Denial isn't going to make this better. Let yourself go through this" Jackson warned gently.

"What if I don't want to go through this?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears. "What if I'm terrified of going through this?"

"I think that's pretty normal" he replied understandingly. "You're going through hell, but if you let yourself feel this, one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt quite as much. That's how trauma works."

"Thanks" she said as she fought tears. "Thanks for the advice, and for not treating me like I'm a nutcase."

"Hey" he said as he stroked her face gently. "No one thinks that, okay? We all just want to help you."

"Yeah" she scoffed.

"I called the police station back and scheduled an interview" she added in a shaky voice.

"You did?" Jackson asked in awe. "That was very brave of you April. I know this is all still so hard for you to talk about."

"It is" she agreed. "But if it can help someone else not get hurt like I was…"

"I think it's amazing that you're willing to do this" he said. "Really April, you're so strong."

"No, I'm not" she scoffed. "I've barely been keeping it together. I'm just so…"

"So what?" he asked as his eyes searched hers.

"Guilty, scared, embarrassed…"

"All of those things are normal" Jackson reassured her. "But you don't _need_ to feel any of those things."

"What do you mean?"

"Well" he sighed as he sat in the chair near her bed and scooted it closer to her. "You don't need to feel embarrassed because this _wasn't_ your fault. Okay, not at all. Nobody thinks that. This wasn't a punishment, this wasn't anything you could have prevented. You don't need to be scared because I'm right here, and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. Neither is Derek or Alex, let me tell you; if those guys even tried to come anywhere near you again, they'd find out exactly what it felt like to fear for their lives. And you don't need to be embarrassed because there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You didn't do anything wrong. Something terrible happened to you, but it doesn't change who you are."

April nodded as she listened to what Jackson had to say. His words didn't permeate completely, but overall what he had to say made her feel better. His tone was soothing and she could feel the love in his words.

"I'm also really angry" she admitted.

"Me too" he scoffed.

"Really?" she asked shakily.

"Are you kidding me? I've never felt so angry in my entire life. I think if the bastards who did this were standing right in front of me I could kill them both with my bare hands."

"Can I tell you something else?" she asked as her voice broke.

"April, you can tell me anything you want" he said as he took her hand in his. "Anything."

"It's just when they were… hurting me, they didn't even act like I was a person. It was like I was an object, and I don't know that's just sort of hard to swallow. It's kind of hard to go back to feeling normal after that."

Jackson wasn't sure what to say. It seemed he was out of advice and wise words. After all, he had no idea what this was like for April. All he saw was her in pain, and her pain caused him pain. "Oh God, April" he sighed before hugging her gently, nervous that she'd shrink away at the contact. Instead she pulled him closer and began to sob into his chest.

"Shh" he soothed her gently. "It's okay now April, it's okay. I'm here. Everything is going to be okay."

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